Let’s get this straight: fiscal conservatives in Congress are basically the overbearing parents who say, “Do as I say, not as I do,” while raiding your Halloween candy stash. They print the money, control the money, and somehow still manage to act like they’re broke. It’s the kind of gaslighting that’d make even a Marvel villain blush.
“We Print It, We Borrow It, We Pretend to Struggle”
Imagine this: you’re a kid in a house where your parents bake cookies every day. But instead of handing you a plate, they borrow the cookies from you and promise to give you two tomorrow. It’s cookie-based trickery at its finest! Congress prints the money, then borrows it back because apparently, you can’t just eat the cookies without ruining the economy—or something.
Of course, they’ll tell you this is all about “preventing inflation.” Translation: they’re keeping all the cookies for themselves and sprinkling crumbs your way, just enough to keep you hoping for seconds. The whole process makes as much sense as a parent rationing water because “we don’t want to flood the bathroom.”
“The Chores-Taxes Connection”
Then there’s the classic fiscal conservative mantra: “We’ve got to balance the budget.” This is like a parent telling you, “You can only eat if you do your chores first,” and then charging you a chore tax for good measure. “Sorry, kiddo, you owe us a quarter for every sock folded. Gotta keep the lights on!”
And let’s not forget the arbitrary punishment system. If the government were a parent, they’d say, “No burgers until the lazy brother gets a job.” Who’s the lazy brother? Take your pick: immigrants, the disabled, or anyone else they feel like blaming that day. Meanwhile, Dad’s secretly sneaking burgers to his golfing buddies under the table. “Trickle-down economics,” they call it. Spoiler: the burgers never trickle.
“Debt Ceiling: The Ultimate Power Move”
Here’s the kicker: they tell us we owe money to them for the money they printed. It’s like Mom handing you a $20 bill, then demanding it back with interest. “Sorry, honey, we’re all in this together,” she says while ordering herself a latte. Fiscal conservatives are experts in this level of financial gymnastics. They’ll starve the household to keep up appearances while splurging on a new riding mower they definitely don’t need.
“Parenting or Fiscal Conservatism? You Decide”
At the end of the day, fiscal conservatives run the country like parents who hoard snacks, blame the kids for eating too much, and then insist the dog is stealing food. They hold your dinner hostage, tell you it’s for your own good, and somehow convince you that being hungry builds character.
So next time you hear about “balancing the budget,” just remember: it’s not about logic. It’s about control. And maybe a little bit about burgers. Pass the ketchup.
